Braving the Cold; December 28th

It’s been a while my darling bloggers, and for my absence, I truly do apologize. Before I continue with my long-overdue post, I’m restating that I have a tumblr now and am in desperate need of followers!! I would love for you all to check it out. Here’s the link: TUMBLR. Furthermore, I have created a lookbook account and have set up a link on my sidebar! Lookbook is a website for all fashion conscious gurus to check out the styles of students and bloggers all over the world :] It’s a great site and if you happen to check mine out, please hype my looks! It only takes a few seconds, if that, and the more hype I get, the more known my account will become!

 

That snowstorm hit the tri-state area pretty hard, huh?

So at the current moment, I am trying to figure out what I want out of this life i’ve been given, and i’m having a rather hard time. I’m getting ready to go have coffee with a friend and my old orchestra teacher whom i’ve mentioned numerous times here on the blog before.  I’m so excited — I absolutely adore J, but she is so worried about me, and that makes me sad. Sure, ED wants those closest to me to worry about me, because that is the goal, is it not? But Becca, my true identity, doesn’t want that at all. Becca wants a life like she had in the beginning of the semester, one filled with love, happiness, friends, realistic goals. This race towards perfection is killing me, and right about now, I’d do anything to get the monster who feeds me these lies out of my head. I’ve done it before, and I CAN do it again. It’s going to be hard, sure. But what other choice do I have? I’m slowly killing myself once again, and the end result is simple: I either die or I get better.

Put so simply, I have to think to myself, what the hell am I doing? Is this disease REALLY worth dying over? It seems absolutely ridiculous that I still wake up in the morning and contemplate for hours whether today I will give in to my urges or not. As someone once told me, to be blunt, life’s not worth living when you’re starving to death. In need of some support ladies and gents, so comments are always appreciated and welcome ❤

xx

Becca

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Winter Break Reading List

1. Diary – Chuck Palahniuk
2. When You Are Engulfed in Flames – David Sedaris
3. Freakonomics – Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner
4. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – Jonathan Safran Foer
5. Eating Animals – Jonathan Safran Foer

Any good suggestions in case I happen to finish my list before my break is over (which is looking fairly likely right now)?

xx

Becca

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New Tumblr!

Hey Guys! Sorry for the absence — I’ve been swamped in work, but I’m back now and ready to blog again! (at least for the next month or so…)

A lot has happened since I last posted. After finals rolled around, I let ED get the best of me and I relapsed. It’s not terrible, and I haven’t lost a tremendous amount of weight, but the mindset is all I need to get me back on a bad bath, and unfortunately, I think I’m there. I’m going to try my best to stay positive and work on staying healthy over break, but I’m not sure if I really can…

I’ve started a new tumblr and a lookbook account to keep myself busy these next few weeks! I will still update this blog as I see necessary and/or feel like blogging textually, but please follow my new tumblr and I’ll update my lookbook through that as well!

I’ve been officially ditched by my entire family for christmas, so I’m going to have tons of time on my hands. For those of you who read my blog last year, you may recall me going to Vermont with my cousins to ski over winter break — I may be doing the same thing this year. If not for anything, just to sit by the fire and read Harry Potter (which I plan to reread over the next month). I’ve already read a book and a half since I arrived home on Tuesday!

[credited on tumblr]

Love and miss you all ❤

xx

Becca

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When All Hell Breaks Loose; Nov. 2

Well guys, I’m not exactly sure what to say. I still feel as if I’ve lost most of my readers, which only bothers me because I know it’s my fault. I haven’t had much time to post or to comment, so I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m not getting as much feedback as I used to. Granted, it still sucks.

My plan for college was to take time to myself each week to blog, to let loose and not think about architecture and school activities. Yet, for some reason, I have been unable to do that. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I feel no one reads my blog anymore, or that I feel as if I don’t have much to say, but blogging has become a bit of a task now as opposed to the mental release it once was.

Also, since I’ve arrived at college, I’ve barely thought about my ED at all. I’ve been eating intuitively for the most part, and up until this past week, I didn’t seem to mind it at all. I’ve found it a bit harder these past few days for some reason, but I think that’s just because A) it’s my time of the month and B) I’m super stressed about schoolwork and scheduling for next semester.

I’m thinking of maybe doing shorter posts more often? Maybe that will help me to get my mental break juices flowing again. Or perhaps I will start a tumblr? It may be easier to do quick posts that way. Who knows. We shall see. I just don’t think I want to have a purely ED blog anymore — it just reminds me too much of the girl I used to be and I don’t want to become that again.

weheartit.com

xx

Becca

 

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Failcopter; October 21

Wow guys, I am so sorry I’ve been so lame about blogging lately. I literally just have absolutely no time whatsoever lately to myself. Granted, I’m definitely still having a great time! I’m just a bit stressed at the moment.

For starters, architecture has been going really well! We are doing a case study now — a full analysis on a building and it’s structural and organizational values/themes using both plans and sections to do so — and I chose Fallingwater by Frank Lloyd Wright as my residence. I absolutely adore to property and the lengths Wright goes to to preserve the idea of his building interacting with nature. After doing loads of research, I actually found that Ayn Rand actually based her main character in The Fountainhead, the book I forced myself to read this summer, mostly on Frank Lloyd Wright.

 

While creating 24 diagrams identifying the underlying ideas seemed daunting at the time the assignment was given, I decided to throw on a bathing suit, take my drawing board outside, and work in the sun. Tanning + Studio Work = Multitasking at its finest. It’s been approximately 85 degrees and sunny down here for the past 2-3 weeks and I am l.o.v.i.n.g. it. The sun is just so good for my mental health, as well as my pasty skin (which is no longer pasty, might I add!)

Well, right before spring break, our studio professors were supposed to give us a midterm grade — only freshman here at Tulane have the  privilege of knowing their grades midway through the semester. Of course, I panicked. I had been told by every single upperclassman not to expect an A in studio, even if your work is perfect. I guess I’m just so used to being the overachiever that I never really thought I could put my all into something, be really really good at it, and still wind up with a B+; unfortunately, I did. Of course, I had my little crying fest, my mini mental breakdown over getting a B that didn’t even count towards anything (it’s just a midterm grade), and then I spoke with my professor about it. Honestly, what he said really annoyed me, but did make a lot of sense. Basically, he said that he didn’t give me an A because he knew that I was panicking about my grade, and that is not what architecture is about. He said I need to get comfortable with getting B’s in studio, because it is subjective grading and the outcome is not always going to be what I want it to be, nor does it even really matter in the big scheme of things. Becoming a successful architect is about developing as a designer and creating an astounding portfolio, not about getting the highest GPA in the class. He also said that he wants me to keep working to get better, and he thought that by giving me an A, it would give me license to relax and stop working my ass off. Well, I’m sure not letting up now! I’m sure I can bring it up — I just need to stay focused and keep doing what I need to do to perfect my skills.

Focal Point Study Quick Sketch

Color Layering Quick Sketch

Mardi Gras Bead Tree — Quick Sketch

The thursday that fall break started, I went with school to city park, an absolutely gorgeous park in New Orleans! I had the greatest time with my friend C. We ended up meeting a bunch of other girls in architecture and we just walked around, took pictures, and enjoyed the fresh air. I couldn’t think of a better way to have started the vacation.

[This picture is my favorite :] Taken by another good friend in architecture whose camera is fantastic!]

Well, on Wednesday after our reviews, a boy in my studio said, “Who wants to come to Baton Rouge this weekend with me and O!?”  R and O are both from Baton Rouge and my friend and I looked at each other and yelled, “Us!” in unison. I actually thought he was kidding, but turns out his dad had gotten 4 tickets to the LSU game and he was dead serious! So, on Saturday, my friend K and I drove up to baton Rouge with R and met O there! First, we went on a needed shopping spree, and then we hit the university for tailgating! (P.S. If you have never tailgated at LSU (Louisiana State University), it is a must — absolutely wild!) We then went to a diner and ordered Pecan pancakes to share — sooooo yummy. On the way out, we saw a Menchies, the classic fro-yo chain down here in NOLA and it is self-serve! So good. I had chocolate cheesecake and original swirl :] I didn’t even get too wasted at the game and I had a really great time!

Once we arrived at R’s house, my friend K and I realized that R was absolutely, 100% loaded. O had warned us beforehand, but we were so not prepared for what we saw — He has a mansion and six cars! His house was absolutely gorgeous though and I really enjoyed spending time with all of them. That night, my friend K actually told me that she had an ED…I kind of panicked. I’ve never been in a situation like that where someone has just flat-out told me. I didn’t know if I was supposed to tell her or not? Or how I would even go about saying it… Regardless, I did tell her about mine and we ended up talking for a really long time about it. She is just the sweetest most adorable girl in the world and I want to help her in any way I can.

On that topic, I have yet to go to the real health center — I’m not avoiding it, I honestly just don’t want to bring my ED back into the forefront of my mind. I’ve been doing so well lately, I’m almost positive I haven’t lost any weight.

I alsooooo have no clue what I’m going to be for halloween. It’s like a huge deal down here, so I want to be something good! Any suggestions?

This Friday, I’m having shabbat dinner at the president of Tulane’s house :] I’m super duper excited! Anyone have exciting plans for the weekend?

xx

Becca

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Finding Balance; October 6

First of all, thank you sooo much for all the comments. Sometimes, I really just need to see that people are still reading and care about my blog to keep it going. It’s been about a week since I last updated and I figured I’d go ahead and type up a quick post before heading over to studio!

I’ve had a ton on my mind lately. Because of this, I’ve been having a lot of trouble falling asleep and I guess I’m not having the most restful sleep, because I wake up absolutely exhausted. I haven’t been to gymnastics in a while. I was going to go on Friday, but we didn’t end up getting the van key to get to the gym — so it was canceled. I have such a huge problem with not only not being the best at this sport, but one of the worst. Sure, I’ve never done it before, and I’m not even sure I ever want to compete. Yet, it’s still so frustrating to go and see all these little girls doing what I want to do, and not being able to do it. Not to mention, my mother (big shock here) is not supportive and doesn’t think I should be doing gymnastics in the first place. I have to babysit on Thursday and I missed the Tuesday practice because I had too much architecture work to do, but I think I will go on Friday and see how it goes.

When I came to school, I knew I wanted to try something new and interesting to keep my find off of architecture for a few hours each week. I’m working on getting into a yoga schedule here as well, but that is something I’ve been doing for about 3 years now. When I found out Tulane had gymnastics, I was ecstatic and knew I wanted to try it out, but there was something else I had my eye on for a while: Equestrian. I always wanted to ride horses when I was younger, but my mom said it was too expensive. Here, I’d still have to pay for it, and I’d have to take lessons, but I’ve heard it’s an amazing experience and such a good mental stabilizer. I definitely won’t join this semester, but I’ll see if they offer new openings at the beginning of spring semester and maybe try it out.

The therapy appointment I had scheduled went pretty well. It was all the usual intake questions, plus a mild overview of what that particular health center has to offer to me. Apparently, I have to go to a different one to be weighed and see a psychiatrist, but they don’t have any groups unfortunately, and I hate nutritionists, the people who would probably weigh me. Okay, so I’m sure there are some nutritionists who are very sweet and nice — but I’ve had a bad experience with both every nutritionist and every psychiatrist I have ever seen. To say the least, it’s going to make it much harder for me to actually make the effort to walk over to this eating disorder program and actually do what I need to do to get weighed and have that reported to my therapist at home (who is literally on the verge of killing me if I don’t do this soon…)

Architecture is still going really well. I am in love with it and all the people whom I have met through the program. I can tell that they are going to be my best friends for the next five years (good thing too, because I really didn’t have much of a choice! haha). I’ve also become close with a lot of the 2nd year arch students, and they help me a bit when I’m confused or freaking out of silly little things — like straight lines. We have midterm reviews this coming Wednesday though, and I am super nervous. We haven’t received any form of grade whatsoever for studio or visual media yet, and it is honestly so scary. I have no idea how i’m doing in that class relative to how I’m supposed to be doing at this point in time, because I’ve never taken a class like this before. No one understands how we are being graded and what is being taken into account, and everything is panicking (though I’m panicking more than everyone else is, of course). It has been said that no one really gets an A in studio unless you are like super duper amazing and perfect and could leave Arch School that second and get certified to build a house. It does happen, but it’s really rare. I know my ideas are up to par, but I’m not sure if my craft is. Urghhhh. I guess I shall find out next week?

Visual Media Collage Study

3D Abstraction of Gris "The Violin"

Well, yesterday, when I skipped gymnastics, I went to a sorority recruitment informational meeting! It was really cool and I’m almost positive I’m going to rush. There are certain sororities I really like and I think I would be a great fit for. Also, here at Tulane, sororities are a bit different than at other schools and I feel that Greek life here is much more fitting to myself than at most other campuses. You don’t have to live in the house, and it is really focused a lot on philanthropy, sisterhood, and social get togethers.

Last topic of mention today: college drinking…

I went out on Saturday night and partied — hard. I was in a weird mood all day and knew I wanted a way to just let loose and have a good time. I had so much fun that night — we had planned to go to this foam party my friends from the floor above me were sponsoring (basically, a dancefloor filled with foam), but ended up going to 2 parties before to “pre-game.”

Unforunately, I had wayyyy too much to drink– I was full-on carried from place to place, almost got myself arrested for being so drunk in front of a cop, and completely blacked out for the first time. I’ve browned out a lot since I got here — meaning, i’ve forgotten certain things that occurred throughout the night. But on Saturday, we went to three parties in total, and I seriously only remember going to two, the first and the last. That middle party has been 100% erased from my mind — I don’t remember it at all. AND…apparently I was drinking more while we were there. I know college students drink, but I don’t think blacking out is normal — and it’s pretty scary.

Needless to say, I’ve accepted a babysitting offer this Saturday to give my liver a wee break :] It should be good for me, considering I have an Intro to Architecture midterm on Tuesday to study for!

xx

Becca

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Is this a vacation? Sept. 30

Don’t think so! I’ve been trying to turn this image here…

…into a 3D abstraction model for 3 days straight, complete with 30 study drawings, sketches, and organizational depiction techniques. Silly cubist artists…

However, today, I finally finished my project [earlier than most I might add] around 12 and decided to treat myself to a nice, relaxing afternoon with my friend. We went to the “sopo” [social pool] here on campus, and it was absolutely amazing.

yep, those are palm trees…

Things like this really do make me feel like i’m on vacation in Florida. Then I remember I’m at school working my butt off to become an architect.

Well, it’s my brother’s birthday today and apparently, he was crying because Rachel and I couldn’t go to his birthday dinner :[ I almost cried hearing that. I love my little brother to death. I can’t wait to see him when I go to his Bar Mitzvah in November!

On wednesday, my studio section went on another field trip! We took the street car down to the lower Garden District (aka mansion mania and new home of Sandra Bullock) and stopped in the Lafayette cemetery to do some sketches and to look around. The tombs are so fascinating! I won’t go into detail about how they work, because frankly, it’s a little disturbing, but it was super interesting nonetheless.

As you’ll notice, the tombs are all built above ground — obviously due to the water issues here in New Orleans.

There’s this program affiliated with Wall, my dorm, called Roots of Music that I want to get involved in. I’m already piling on the extra curriculars, now that I’m a part of the green club, gymnastics, both Hillel and Chabad, and the health and wellness committee, BUT this program sounds so cool. Basically, every day from 3:15 to 6:00, wall kids go downtown to a impoverished district in NOLA and help tutor kids and teach them the love of music we all share. New Orleans is surrounded by such musical culture, but in the past few years since Hurricane Katrina, budgets have been cut and as we all know, school music programs are the first to go. This program helps provide kids with the skills to learn, appreciate, and explore realms of academics and music that they otherwise wouldn’t have had the chance to do. You don’t have to go everyday — whenever it is convenient for you. But how awesome does that sound??

Gymnastics has been going a bit better! I’m officially pro at handstands (like I can actually hold them) and I’m working on my round-off rebound to get my round off back handspring. BUT….I finally did a back handspring :] It was spotted and quite ugly, but I did it! Yay! I’m going to the gym tomorrow to keep working on it :]

And last but not least, my new hair color! It’s really only visible in the sun — people have only asked me if I dyed my hair when we are standing outside and they are really paying attention. But it’s subtle, and I really like it! What do you guys think?

I’ve been getting a bit overly emotional about this blog of mine — I don’t get nearly as many comments on my page as I used to and I’m curious as to whether it’s my fault — are my posts not resonating with anyone anymore? Am I losing readers?

Please let me know what you guys would like to see in my blog!

xx

Becca

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